"Voice of a Generation"

If you really know me, you know how much I hate that term. If you barely know me, if you have some passing idea of who I am, you know how much I hate my voice.

I'm not going to provide any examples. I have some semblance of shame. But if I pretend that I did- could you blame me? It's not even an uncommon phenomenon. I can't name anyone I know who likes their voice. Hearing your recorded voice seems to hit worse than the cruellest slander, crushing any hope of a life (or day) without social anxiety. For a time, I resigned myself to the cringe-inducing nature of my voice. What else could I have done?

But recently, I heard myself again. And died repeatedly.

I mumbled. I trailed upwards. My pitch was higher than a hunched-over flock of seventh graders. Without exaggerating, I can safely say that it was the literal worst sounding thing I've ever heard, ever. In the history of ever. Between steadying myself for exams and a sudden resurgence of inexplicable daytime sleepiness, I don't need this in my life. I'm going to be going to university. In America. Where everyone looks and sounds like they've been eating growth hormones for years. I need/want people to take me seriously. Like I'm an adult, or something.

I've been forcing my voice downwards for the past couple of days. Does this make me insincere? Or would ignoring how it makes me feel be the real farce in this situation?

My mum wasn't too pleased with this development. Though, at the same time, she doesn't understand my inclination to stop feeling self-conscious about my teeth rather than have dentists put their hands in my mouth. She brought up the serenity-to-accept-courage-to-change maxim again, which I'm not sure applies completely. And if it did, why would it apply for my teeth but not for my voice?

She admitted that she didn't expect this sort of behaviour from me.

I'm not sure what to think about that. I'm not certain what I should think about several things, really, but I know how I feel about my voice*. Which should be a sort of progress, shouldn't it?

Anyway, I thought this video was a godsend when it comes to this sort of thing:

*Physical voice. My writing voice has never made me feel anything but fluctuating regret. But that's another post.